


you can find me in the static

by littledata



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23119087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littledata/pseuds/littledata
Summary: Kara hosts a late-night radio show, Lena can only fall asleep listening to her ex-girlfriend's voice.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 18
Kudos: 646





	you can find me in the static

A sea of dark shapes surged around her car, pulling at the door handles and pounding on the hood. The clamour of their voices grew louder and louder in her ears and the flash of their cameras sent stars dancing behind her eyes. Lena was fumbling with the keys in the ignition but the car wouldn't start, it wouldn't even turn over, and the voices reached a fever pitch, _Miss Luthor Miss Luthor Miss Luthor_. Sweaty fingers fumbled for her cell phone and she could smell her mother's perfume, she realised, and it wasn't reporters outside her car but Lillian. Lillian trying to get in, Lillian pounding on the doors, and why wouldn't her _fucking_ car - 

She woke up with her heart pounding in her throat. She was at home, she was in her apartment. She opened her eyes to remind herself of that fact. Her own bedroom, sleek and modern, with no trace of her parents. The clock on the wall was expensive and minimalist, not some crumbling family heirloom like it might have been in the Luthor mansion. 

(And no, perhaps it wasn't _home_. Maybe she was in Metropolis and not National City, maybe she had silk sheets and not a sunny floral bedspread, maybe there was paperwork and not a candy wrapper on the nightstand. Maybe it wasn't home - but it was Lena's, and that would have to be enough.)

When she saw it was almost four in the morning she reached for her phone with one trembling hand, fumbling for the radio app. The silence of the room was broken by the final beats of a bad 80s pop song.

" - I think that might be my favourite song in the world." the DJ's voice said, with more sunshine than anyone should be able to muster in the middle of the night. Lena put her phone down and closed her eyes, the tension in her muscles finally beginning to ebb away.

"You say that about 90% of the songs we play, Kara..." a male voice, the producer, teased.

"What can I say? I've got a lot of favourites." the DJ laughed and their banter moved on, into a debate on the greatest Queen song. Lena's hands had stopped shaking and her breathing slowed. It wasn't a peaceful sleep, but there were no more nightmares.

\-----

Kara was hovering over a pan of scrambled eggs by the time the sun was entirely risen, exhausted but not quite ready for bed yet. Instead, she had brewed a pot of coffee ready to assuage her sister's notoriously bad morning temper and was half-heartedly working on breakfast for them both. Most of her focus was taken by the phone in her hand though, grinning at the pictures of dopey puppies that filled her twitter feed. The National City newspaper site eventually called for her attention, only, she told herself, because she was in the media and needed to keep up with this stuff - not for any other reasons.

The very first headline pulled no punches: "Lena Luthor remains tight-lipped after brother's arrest." Kara felt her stomach clench. Underneath there was a paparazzi picture of Lena herself, staring directly into the camera. To anyone else she might have looked defiant, even cold, but Kara saw the uncomfortable clench of her jaw, the tension in her shoulders, the anger in her eyes. The picture was clearly unplanned, judging by the coffee cup clutched in Lena's hand, but still she had refused to lower her gaze, still she had held her head high. A little kernel of pride burst in Kara's chest, and she hated herself for it.

( _G_ _ood posture is very important_ , _Kara_. Lena had told her back in Kara's cramped college dorm room. In a finishing school in Switzerland they had taught her to walk across a room balancing a book on her head while she answered calculus problems, and in a twin bed on campus Kara learned that Lena forgot all about posture if you kissed her throat just right. _It's still important._ Lena whispered later, and those blazing eyes were sleepy then, those hands were warm and soft on Kara's skin.)

"You always burn eggs," Alex told her irritably, taking the frying pan away from her and beginning to scrape the remains into the trash. Kara looked up in surprise from her reverie, and Alex's expression softened when she saw the picture on her phone. "I thought we made an agreement - you know the whole 'no torturing ourselves over ex-girlfriends' sacred pact?"

"I'm not," Kara said, hastily putting her phone face down on the kitchen counter. "I was looking at the news. Plus I know for a fact that you keep finding excuses to partner with Maggie on cases..."

"Not what we're discussing right now," Alex said sharply, throwing the burnt pan into the sink. "It's just, it's been a year, Kara, and..."

( _She could come back, couldn't she?_ Kara had asked, the tiniest sliver of hope in her voice. Alex had stayed silent, unable to break her sister's heart again.)

"I was looking at the news." Kara repeated, unwilling to acknowledge the look of sympathy on her sister's face. "I can't help it if she's in the news."

Alex just nodded, turning away towards the coffee pot and letting Kara have a second to collect herself and her thoughts. After a moment's pause she asked, "So how was last night's show?" and grateful for the subject change, Kara began to tell her all of Winn's incorrect Freddie Mercury opinions.

\-----

Lena missed her lab. She missed the quiet bubbling of chemicals in the corner, she missed the long hours of singular focus on achieving a result, she missed the door that locked. Six months ago she had been the head of research and development, and now she found herself stepping into her brother’s shoes as CEO of L-Corp. It wasn’t that she was incapable, she was actually more than academically qualified (as she was quick to remind anyone who doubted her), but with Lex behind bars, this made her the focus of all the media outrage. She would never show it, of course, she had three decades of Luthor parenting helping her hide any real feelings. But on days like this, with reporters filing into a large auditorium, whispering and glancing up at her in preparation to ping off another story about her brother’s latest masterpiece… Lena just really missed her lab.

Maybe if Lex hadn’t been so damn _sneaky_ , but every time Lena thought every secret had been uncovered another turned up, like worms under a rock. It was the funnelling funds from investors and charitable causes into private offshore accounts that had put him behind bars, but the latest transgression was particularly egregious. An L-Corp factory had improperly dumped waste and in doing so had contaminated an entire town’s water supply with poisonous material. It seemed to have been an accident in the first instance, but even when they found out it had just continued. Lex had known about it, and he hadn’t stopped it. L-Corp profits came first - Lena had read the memos and email trails that proved it.

“We have been devastated to learn of the impacts L-Corp activities have caused.” she began once the reporters were settled and hushed. She had written the short statement herself, refusing help from the company’s many publicists and lawyers. “The factory responsible has been shut down and L-Corp will be covering all medical costs for those who have been affected. Every L-Corp factory will also be undergoing an immediate inspection to ensure they are following best practices.” She paused. At the back of the room, her mother stood perfectly still, a predator watching its prey. “In my role as acting CEO, I would like to say that I am personally deeply sorry for the devastation this has caused. It is my intention to move the company forward into a brighter future.”

As she stepped away from the microphone the reporters burst into activity, shouting questions after her even as she left the stage.

“Miss Luthor, isn’t it true you were aware of this in your role as head of R&D?”

“Did you help develop the compound that causes this type of disease, Lena?”

“Do you expect us to believe you had no idea what your brother was doing?”

No, she wanted to scream, no I had no idea. Do you think I’d be here if I did? Do you think if I knew what he was like, do you think if I knew how he could trick people, how he tricked _me_ \- do you think I would have stayed here? The only good thing to come out of this whole sorry _fucking_ mess is that I could have a chance to make things better if you vultures would just leave me alone.

She had a Luthor upbringing straightening her back and holding her chin in the air though, and she walked off stage without a word.

(She missed her lab. Not her lab at L-Corp in Metropolis, but the lab hidden deep in the National City University physics department. The one with a blonde-haired girl sitting up on the desk kicking her legs as Lena showed off her latest project. _You’re kind of a genius, huh?_ Kara had asked, and a Luthor upbringing meant Lena did not preen, it meant Lena didn’t swell with pride. But Kara saw through it all, grinned and said _you know a real genius would suggest taking me out for pizza right now..._ )

\-----

Kara and Winn were competing to see whose paper airplane could fly the furthest as they waited for 'Purple Rain' to finish playing. The studio they operated out of was small, the two of them practically nose to nose even with Winn behind the producer's mixing desk, but it was homely. Segment ideas peppered a whiteboard in the corner, there was a pile of take out menus on the desk and yes, at the moment, multiple failed attempts at paper airplanes on the floor.

"We're on the air." Kara said quickly when the door opened, pointing up at the glowing red "on air" sign above their heads.

"Yeah, you're clearly busy." Mal scowled, kicking the remains of one of Winn's more _creative_ airplane attempts (really more spaceship than airplane). "Just thought I'd stop by before I headed to my studio..." his eyes roamed pointedly over the walls of the small room, judging how much smaller it was than his own. His show aired directly after Kara's ended in the coveted breakfast slot, and he never failed to remind her that his show had double the audience. "Just wanted to make sure you're _okay_ , you know, after the news."

His faux concern was sickening, and not for the first time, Kara wished Alex would let her borrow her gun when she wasn't on duty. "What news?" she snapped, as Prince hit the chorus in the background.

"You know, the news that your ex-girlfriend has been involved in _everything_ her brother did." Mal smirked. He had taken Kara's rejection early on particularly badly, and had delighted far too much in her break up with Lena.

"She's not." Kara said immediately, crunching her paper airplane into nothing. She had read the news (she had broken her promise to Alex), but even if she hadn’t it wouldn’t have mattered. She knew as instinctually and certainly as knowing she was breathing. Lena wouldn’t.

"Really?" Mal gave a nasty smile. "Because standing by a company that poisoned people... seems pretty guilty to me."

He turned to leave as Prince entered the final moments of the song, and Winn said, “I am not getting in the middle if you try to hit him.”

But it was nausea, and not anger, that filled Kara’s mouth and stomach like wet concrete. Lena had left twelve months ago, and Kara didn’t have to like the decision to understand it. _As long as she’s happy_ , she had told herself a million times over, whispered into her tear-stained pillow. But Lena wasn’t happy, and there was nothing Kara could do.

(She had never liked Lex. The shiny suits and the snake-like smiles, the way he flashed his credit card like it was a trophy. He was nothing like Lena, had none of her effortless elegance or quiet generosity. When Lena graduated with her PHD he had turned up an hour late to the celebration, sliding into the empty chair left for him like he was the guest of honour. _You're hot on my heels, little sister._ was the closest he came to congratulations. Lena had accepted it though, her irritation at his rudeness slipping away. Kara had grasped her hand under the table, and hated him.)

For a desperate moment, Kara's hand hovered over her cell phone, but the song ended before she could pick it up. She was forced instead to slip into her role as DJ, well-practised professionalism taking any edge out of her voice. "Next up we have a Fleetwood Mac classic -"

"Uh, Kara, that's not on our playlist..." Winn interrupted, mouthing _what are you doing?_ over the desk.

Kara scribbled the name of the song she wanted to play on the remnants of a paper airplane and held it up for him to find in the station's archives. Her eyes were set and determined, broaching no argument from her producer. Lena might not be on the other end of the phone like she once was, but Kara had once promised to support her no matter what. So she would send her message out into the airwaves instead, and let herself imagine that Lena was listening.

\-----

 _You can go your own way._ Lena startled her assistant on her way past her desk by humming that morning - it was the closest thing to cheerful she had appeared since she took over the role of CEO. It was ridiculous, really, to feel like it was a connection. Just because Kara had played that Fleetwood Mac song on her show last night, a song she had once sang around Lena constantly. It was nothing more than a coincidence, but still, it buoyed Lena's steps.

(Kara had sung everywhere - in the passenger seat of Lena's car and the shower and while she cleaned her apartment. Lena was competent at the viola and could show you the steps of a waltz, but she didn't sing, didn't dance, didn't relax like Kara did. When Kara pulled her in as she twirled through Lena's kitchen and span her around though, Lena found that she was laughing. _You're making me dizzy._ she said, but the tiles were cold under her feet and Kara's laughter was hot on her cheek and she didn't pull away.)

Her good mood drained away the second she entered her office, sucked dry by the smell of sickly sweet perfume and her mother's thin-lipped smile. There was no time for Lena to prepare herself, no opportunity for the pep talk she would normally give herself before she was forced into her mother's presence.

"I assume this is about Lex." she said, crossing the room to her desk with only a glance at Lillian. It was easier behind the desk with something solid to anchor herself against.

"Of course." her mother agreed, barely moving from her position on Lena's sofa, her legs crossed and her fingers tapping relentlessly against her own arm, a habit Lena hated knowing she had picked up. "Our working relationship with the police is coming to an end. You are to pass any further documentation you find during your tenure directly to your brother’s lawyers."

Lena held her mother's gaze, her quick mind attempting to catalogue every implication of the words. First, it meant there was more in L-Corp's records for Lena to find - more crimes Lex had committed. Second, even Lillian was not sure of how extensive they were, or else she would have set her minions to destroying them herself. Third, this meant that currently, Lex felt he had a fighting chance of leaving prison, he wasn't necessarily doomed to spend the rest of his life behind bars. Fourth, she was being asked to be complicit in his freedom.

"I prefer to operate within the confines of the law." she stated bluntly, smothering any hitch in her voice.

"Don't be foolish." Lillian's eyes flashed with anger and for a moment Lena remembered being four years old with wet sheets, the sting of her adoptive mother's hand on her arm. _Disgusting_. Lillian had said then. She said it again with her eyes now. "L-Corp was built by your family, don't forget that. What are you without the Luthor name?"

Lena stared at her blank computer screen. Lillian was referring to the family wealth, but her words had more meaning than she knew. They evoked that itch deep inside her, that bone-deep craving that she had felt since she was a tiny child. _Love me_ , the craving said. _Love me, want me, keep me_. It made her stomach churn and her palms sweat. Was she four or was she thirty-two? She had not betrayed her feelings in front of her mother in twenty-five years, and she would not change that now.

"You and I have never seen eye to eye." Lillian continued, her voice shining steel. "And even if you have no respect left for your father, Lex is still your brother." She knew just how to place her words so they hurt the most, knew just where Lena’s weak points were. Hadn’t it only ever been Lex who had managed to fill that hollow place in Lena’s chest? It was Lex who had found her hiding in the depths of her closet, tear-stained and small, and helped her change her damp sheets.

Lillian's cold smile told Lena she thought her point was made, and as she turned to leave she delivered one last parting shot. "There is a press conference next week where the family will express our belief in your brother's innocence. I expect you to attend."

( _B_ _eing a Luthor can feel like a curse sometimes._ Lena had said, unable to look Kara in the eye and instead gazing out of the window over the National City skyline. Kara's arms wound around her waist and her hair tickled Lena's shoulder. _You're not just any Luthor though, you're Lena Luthor._ she had said, looking at both of their reflections in the glass. _And I love Lena Luthor a whole lot._ )

\-----

By the time her show ended at 6 AM, Kara wanted nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed - maybe with a pint of ice cream to keep her company. She hadn’t been sleeping much over the last few days, caught somewhere between wanting to absorb every story that was written about Lena and wanting to cover her head with her blankets and hide until she’d forgotten a beautiful dark-haired girl had ever broken her heart.

( _How long does it take to stop missing someone?_ Alex had asked her shortly after her breakup with Maggie, her head on Kara’s shoulder and a half-empty bottle of whiskey beside her. Kara hadn’t answered, unable to tell her sister what she thought might be the truth. Sometimes you never did.)

She was delayed from home and bed and, hopefully, _sleep_ , by the station owner John calling her over as soon as she left her studio. Mal was already standing there, his arms folded and a frown on his face. John’s face was serious too, and despite her exhaustion, Kara was ready to jump in with a dumb joke to make him laugh, but he spoke before she could.

“I’m afraid I have bad news,” he told her. He wasn’t the type of man to delay things with dramatic pauses or soft words. “The station’s funding has run out. We’re being shut down.”

Kara’s mouth dropped open. It had always been a danger, of course, the station had always teetered on the edge of running out of money - it was 2020, and local radio stations weren’t exactly as popular as they once had been. They had always been saved by donations from listeners or a last-minute sponsorship deal though.

“It can’t be, there must be something we can do,” Kara said immediately. “We’ll hold a fundraiser - I’ll bake cookies.”

John could only shake his head, unable to muster even his usual smile, “The city council grants that funded the station have been pulled, and we’ve had no luck attracting new advertisers. Unless you can bake enough cookies to get us several hundred thousand dollars a month, we’re out of luck.”

(Lena would have known what to do. Lena would have swept in with that _I have an MBA from Harvard, let me take care of this_ glare that always turned Kara on just a little bit. She never panicked. When Kara had been freaking out about her math final in her senior year at college, Lena had just said _Kara_ in that particular soothing tone she reserved just for her. Then she had written out a study plan in her careful cursive and they had worked through it together until the early hours of the morning. Kara got an A. _Of course you did,_ Lena had rolled her eyes when Kara seemed surprised, _you're much smarter than you think you are._ )

Kara’s brows knitted together, her mind turning over every possibility trying to think of something - she couldn’t lose her radio show, sometimes she felt like it was the only thing left keeping her sane. And what about Winn? Would they still see each other if they didn’t work together? Even Mal, God help her, she might actually miss _Mal_ -

“I don’t know what you’re looking so worried about.” he snapped, “It’s not like anyone else wants to do a show at 3 AM, you’ll get a job at another station easily. Breakfast slots are a little harder to come by.”

No, she took that back. She would not miss Mal.

“How long do we have left?” Kara asked in a very small voice.

John sighed, and Kara could see he was as miserable as she was. “One week.”

\-----

Every day Lena decided that she wouldn’t listen to Kara’s show again. Sitting in her office worrying over some paperwork with a pen between her teeth, she determined that tonight would be different. It had been a year, and after all, and it had been Lena that had broken up with Kara, so she really had no right to be this pathetic. Every night she reminded herself that she was a Luthor, and Luthors did not pine, they did not mope, and they certainly didn’t cry into their third glass of wine. But when 3 AM rolled around and Lena was still awake, or she was woken from another nightmare with her mother’s face looming large in her mind’s eye, she turned on the radio every time. Listening to Kara’s show was like driving through a tunnel in heavy rain. It was the peace and shelter she found in Kara’s voice, followed immediately by the deafening sound of missing her. It was an exquisite torture that Lena was addicted to.

But not tonight. Tonight would be different, she told herself as she swivelled in her office chair to look over the skyline of Metropolis. It was time to pull herself together, she had an international corporation to look after, it was utterly ridiculous to still be thinking about -

Her cell phone rang, interrupting her train of thought, and for one insane moment, Lena thought it might be Kara. But Kara had never called her, not since Lena had left National City for good.

She took a deep, steadying breath and picked up the call. She was greeted immediately by a robotic voice telling her, “This is a collect call from the Metropolis Department of Corrections. Please hold the line if you are willing to accept these charges.”

Lena closed her eyes, and her thumb hovered over the disconnect button, but something stayed her. “Lex.” she said, once the telltale click on the other end told her that the call had connected.

“Hello, little sister.” he said smoothly. Lena could hear it immediately though. He was attempting his normal charm but there was a slight rasp in his voice, something that had never been there before. Jail must be getting to him, she thought, a confusing mixture of worry and pleasure erupting in her gut.

“Let’s get to the point, Lex, this call is probably costing me ten dollars a second.” Lena sighed. It was the first time he had called since he had been arrested. She had been beginning to think he never would.

“Money shouldn’t be a worry for you.” Lena could actually hear the grit of his teeth on the other end of the line. “I trust you’re enjoying the fruits of my labour?” There it was again, that rasp. He was angry, she realised, angry and trying very hard to hide it.

She took a moment to look around the office that had once been his. She had removed all telltale signs of him working there and there wasn’t much left now at all. Some generic corporate artwork and a semi-comfortable couch. “If that’s what you want to call cleaning up your messes, then yes, I’ve never had so much fun in my life.”

“ _Messes._ ” the word came down the phone like a growl, and for a second all pretence was gone. Even through the tinny phone line, Lena could hear something had changed in him, and maybe, she thought, it wasn’t just the stresses of being in jail. She had dismissed the press reports that he had gone insane, assumed only that he had a sociopathic lack of empathy for those he had hurt. But this? This wasn’t the big brother that had held a four-year-old’s hand as she cried. This was someone else. “I spent years building those _messes_ , and when I get out - “

“Why do you think you’re getting out?” Lena asked, with genuine curiosity. By all accounts he shouldn’t get out, not for decades at least, but then Lena knew better than anyone just how loudly money could talk.

Instantly, the rasp in his voice disappeared, and the old Lex - smooth and charming - was back. “Little sister.” he said, “Let’s not argue. I need your help.”

 _I need your help_. Lena remembered the last time he had said those words to her, a little over a year ago. They had come along with a job offer for the head of R&D at L-Corp, Lex brandishing a contract he had already had drawn up. _You’re the only one I can trust with this, Lena. It’s a family business and I want you there by my side._

And Lena was four years old again with the shame in her adoptive mother’s eyes burning a hole in her skin, tiny and tear-stained with no one in the world except a big brother to watch out for her. Lena had listened to that hollow place in her chest that said _love me, want me, keep me_ , and when Lex called, Lena went running.

“Haven’t I given you enough help?” Lena asked, allowing just a hint of bitterness to seep into her voice. _I want you there by my side_ , he had said, and where was he now? Lena was the only one left.

“This wasn’t how it was supposed to go,” Lex explained, ignoring her tone entirely, as he always did. “I know I did some questionable things, but I had the good of the company, our employees, in mind. Letting those... accidents slip out would have cost jobs.”

Lex was a very good liar, and if Lena were anyone else she might have believed him. But she had seen the evidence with her own eyes, and she knew him too well - he was only trying to appeal to her own values. Profits came first for Lex. Money mattered far more than people.

“You must have known you would be caught eventually.” Lena sighed. And instantly, her own words awakened a knowledge in her she hadn’t been willing to touch until just then. The sound of his voice, the smooth lies that flowed off his tongue - she knew. She could answer her question without his help. He had known he was going to be caught, he had known that twelve months ago. He had also known that the press would demand a Luthor’s head on the chopping block for it - and who better to blame than the head of R&D? Who else would develop a poisonous compound that could contaminate a water supply?

He hadn’t expected the financial crimes to be revealed first though. That was one thing Lex Luthor was not smart enough to predict.

She didn’t bother to listen to his silver-tongued explanation. “I think this conversation is over.” Lena said, her voice weary.

( _I_ _don’t trust him._ Kara’s voice had been desperate, tears running down her face. _Lena, please listen, please think about what you’re doing._ But Lena couldn’t even look at her, or the tears that threatened at the edge of her eyes would have burst out of her too. Kara didn’t say anything else after that. She might not have liked Lex, but more than anyone, she understood that bone-deep craving for family. When Lena left, Kara watched her go.)

“Lena.” The rasp was back, the anger was back. Lex’s voice hovered dangerously on the edge of fury, a loss of control he never would have allowed before. “Listen to me, Lena - “

She didn’t hear his final words before she hung up the phone, letting it clatter on to the desk. There was no anger in her now, she just felt exhaustion settling into her limbs. Her breath was ragged in her chest, and she wished for someone she could call. She was at the top of the tallest building in Metropolis with a staggering view over the city, an international corporation at her feet, and there was no one she could call.

Instead, she picked up a bottle of gin on the way home and drank it all. She passed out with her makeup on and her contacts in on her couch and didn’t wake up until the morning sun shone through her open blinds directly into her eyes. If she had been awake at 3 AM, she would have heard Kara’s shaky voice tell her audience _we only have seven days left to bring you the greatest music ever made_. But she wasn’t, and she didn’t.

\-----

“We’re going to find another show _together_ , right?” Winn asked her for approximately the millionth time. “Because we’re kind of a dream team. I’ve worked with a lot of radio DJs and not one was as good at birthday presents as you are.”

Kara laughed, “It doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out that you wanted a Mr Robot action figure for your birthday. But I promise we will try and find a new show together - and I still haven’t given up on saving the station.”

They were nearing the end of their final show, waiting for a Tom Petty song to finish playing. Winn looked as though he might start crying again, so Kara distracted herself by looking around the room. She was really going to miss this place. She knew it wasn’t much, it was a little shabby and battered and yes, it permanently smelled like take out (entirely her fault) but this had been her first real radio job. For two years she felt like she had been living out her childhood dreams and now… what? She would go back to working in a coffee shop and peppering every radio station in the city with resumes?

( _Hey, don’t insult the coffee shop. That was how we met._ Lena had said with a smile. _I was a terrible waitress_. Kara laughed, swinging Lena’s hand in hers as they crossed the station parking lot. Lena had come to pick her up after her very first show, and although she had baulked in horror at the neon pink t-shirts with the station’s logo on that were being handed out as promotion, she had gamely put one on over her blouse anyway. _You were a terrible waitress,_ she agreed with a laugh, _but you will be an amazing DJ, and I hope you remember the little people when your show goes national._ And Lena didn’t give compliments she didn’t mean, so Kara had no choice but to lean in and kiss her. When she pulled away Lena was blushing at the unexpected affection but her eyes were warm. Much later Kara would remember that look in her eyes, filled with love and unwavering belief in her, in Kara, and she would convince herself that someday, Lena would come back.)

“This is our final show.” Kara said into the microphone as the song came to an end, “And if you’ve been a loyal listener for the two years we’ve been on the air then we want to say thank you. But it’s not too late, you can still donate to the station and try and help save us…” She moved into giving the details of their social media pages. When she met Winn’s eyes across the desk, she gave a tiny, hopeful shrug. Kara Danvers never gave up on anything she really cared about. 

\-----

Saltwater splashed in her face making her choke and splutter. The tiny boat she lay in was slammed by roaring waves and Lena’s hands scrabbled for purchase on the splintering wood, desperate not to be thrown overboard into the belly of the churning ocean. There was no paddle, she realised with sinking horror, no paddle and no sails, no engine, no way to get back to shore. The wind raged around her, and in it, she heard the hissing voice of her mother: _traitor traitor traitor._ She shook her head violently, casting around for some way to escape even as the ocean surged over her, tossing the boat and Lena’s fragile body with it. She tried to scream but no sound came from her lips, there was no one to hear her. _Traitor traitor traitor._ No, she wasn’t, it was him, he had betrayed her, it was him, it was him, it was - 

She woke up with eyes wide and wild in the gloom of her bedroom. There was no ocean and no storm, but she had not attended the press conference her mother had arranged earlier that day. She had silently revoked any support for Lex. And now she was alone.

( _Your nightmares aren’t real._ Kara had said, two cool hands on Lena’s burning cheeks. _Look at me. I’m real. I’m here._ )

Lena grabbed desperately for her phone, jabbing twice at the radio app with sweaty fingers before it opened. She needed to hear her, she needed to feel that moment of relief that always came with the sound of her voice, needed to feel that there was someone out there, someone who could - 

There was nothing. The phone played hissing static. Kara was gone.

\-----

Kara went alone to collect her things from the studio. The station wasn’t broadcasting any more but the building would stay open for a couple more days until it could be cleaned and sold by the owners. Both Alex and Winn had offered to come with her, but for once she wanted this to just be for her. She had put everything into her show - she knew some people thought it was silly, it was on at 3 AM with hardly any listeners after all, but it was important to Kara to put her best into it. It would be the groundwork for her future career, she had thought, whether that was in radio or some other format. But now it seemed to have turned into nothing at all.

It only took her a few minutes to fill a small cardboard box with the things she wanted to keep - the framed photo of her and Winn on their first-anniversary show, the stapler she had drawn an angry face on and nicknamed Stanley, the small cactus she had miraculously managed to keep alive for the show’s entire run. As she stepped outside of the musty building and into the fresh morning air, she thought she might stop by the bakery next door for one final cupcake before she had to catch her bus and go home. She was surprised by the sight of an expensive car parked on the kerb though - Alex would have known the model, but Kara could only register _shiny_ and _black_. Underneath the smell of baking bread there was a slight scent in the air as well, sandalwood and jasmine, that prickled at Kara’s senses somewhere beyond the edge of recognition. But the figure standing several feet away examining the ‘for sale’ sign on the building… even if she hadn’t spent the last year staring at pictures of her online, Kara would have known her anywhere.

“Lena.” she said, and when the other woman didn’t turn she realised it had only come out as a hoarse whisper. “Lena.” she said more loudly, her voice cracking. “What are you doing here?”

Lena’s head whipped around, a mixture of shock and terror flashing across her features before she visibly struggled to suppress her emotions. “You - your radio show. It wasn’t on the air.” she said, as though that explained everything. “I wanted to… I had to…” And Lena was never lost for words, she never panicked, Kara knew that better than anyone.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked, all emotion except _worry_ gone out of her. Lena looked the same and different at the same time, her eyes were tired and her shoulders slumped, but she was still Lena. Still more beautiful than anyone Kara had ever seen.

Lena struggled to answer for a moment. She gave a strangled gasp and then she was crying, not just tears but _crying_ , her chest heaving and her voice raw. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

Then Kara was dropping the box in her arms to the ground and in four quick strides closing the distance between them and wrapping the woman into her arms, holding her close and safe. “It’s okay.” she whispered into Lena’s hair, wet now with her own tears, “I’m here.”

Lena’s hands grasped at her back like she was clinging to a life raft, and somewhere at the back of Kara’s mind Alex’s voice told her _please be careful, she left once before._ But Kara knew Lena better than anyone else on this planet. Lena Luthor didn’t do anything she didn’t mean, and she had come back. She had come home.

\-----

Lena groaned, throwing a tired arm over her face in defense against the light now assaulting her eyes. Kara, with more energy than anyone should be able to muster first thing in the morning, had thrown wide the curtains to let in the sunshine and sound of birds singing. She really was a monster sometimes.

She was only forgiven when she put a fresh cup of coffee on the nightstand next to Lena’s side of the bed, and grudgingly Lena shuffled her way up the pillows so she could grab it without spilling. “You’re going to work already?” she asked, once the first sip had warmed her stomach and she was able to shake the last remnants of sleep off.

Kara was showered and almost dressed, and although she had stayed quiet while Lena was asleep, she now hummed happily along to the song stuck in her head. “I am.” she agreed with a smile at the grumpy Lena, “Don’t complain, you’re the one who got me a breakfast slot radio show.”

Lena wriggled further into the blankets, cradling the coffee cup as if it might disappear. “Not one of my better ideas.” she joked with a small, pleased smile. One of L-Corp’s new mission statements was supporting the arts, after all, and if her first acquisition had been a small National City radio station… well, Lena had an MBA from Harvard. She knew what she was doing.

“Besides,” Kara said, sitting on the edge of the bed next to Lena to pull her socks on. They were covered in Christmas trees, despite the fact it was March, but Lena knew better than to question that. “Your flight is in three hours, and I know you’re crazy organised and you packed last night, but I figured you’d want to triple check everything.”

Lena sighed, resting her head back against the headboard behind her. Of course, after a blissful weekend with Kara in National City, she had to return to Metropolis today. Board meetings, shareholders and an empty apartment awaited her. She pushed the dread in her stomach away though, not wanting to dampen the morning with thoughts of her impending departure. “That’s not crazy, Kara, that’s just good sense.” she said lightly.

“But you’ll be back on Friday, right?” Kara asked. She wasn’t looking at Lena, pretending instead to concentrate on her socks, but Lena could hear the tiny note of worry in her voice and imagine the small frown on her face. In moments like these she could still see the fracture lines in Kara’s trust for her, fracture lines Lena had put there and would have to work hard to fix.

“Kara.” she said gently, putting her coffee cup down and reaching out a hand to pull the other woman closer. She brushed a thumb over Kara’s jawline and leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, “I will always come back.” She must have said it a hundred time already, but she would say it again and again until Kara believed her. It was the very least she owed her.

Kara smiled against Lena’s lips, leaning forward so their foreheads were touching, her hand brushing over Lena’s thigh under the blanket. “And you’ll call me if you have nightmares or you can’t sleep? It doesn’t matter what time it is.”

Lena nodded, enjoying the warmth and weight of Kara against her, “I’ll call you, I promise.” In truth, they both knew that Lena would probably call her as soon as her flight landed. Sometimes she just needed to hear her voice again.


End file.
